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"Reflection" Feelings...

I've been really thinking and "reflecting" (If you will) the the events of my life in the last couple years. There has been so much change and healing and growing from it! I have found that the person I am today has vastly grown from the person I was then...But replacing the anger and bitterness I once had has grown a sadness of sorts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad of the positive changes I have made in my life, but of the sacrifices that may have come with it perhaps? It's dumb things as well...But they are things I really have missed. I must admit that for the first time in a long time, I miss Idaho. I miss having those close friendships, I miss going to Table Rock. I miss singing and dancing, I miss Kairi and Dax (the dogs I had), the back porch I had in Nampa and sitting there in the gentle summer breeze watching the sun go down. I loved that house, I loved that porch, I loved those dogs, my friends, the overall setting of my life minus the sad and hard parts of the relationship I had. With the right person (my current husband) that life would have been an amazing life.

Life in England is amazing. I do love it, but with this life has come some hard realizations and sacrifices for me. I've lately felt some new heart desires that I never thought I would feel! But once again, I find myself fearing and doubting. I'm tired of the stress and strain and sometimes wish that life would give a little. I get so weary of working so hard and showing no fruit from my labors. Why couldn't life go the way if was supposed to go? I don't feel regret, but I do feel like maybe I could have done things differently. Maybe I just take life too seriously?

Right now it's hard to really enjoy it because I spend so much of it either alone or working. My life literally revolved around my job right now, and I'm finding everyday that I'm growing more and more resentful of it. But what else do I do? There are no other jobs, and we need the additional income if Dave is to ever switch to day shifts (at least until we get our bills paid off...then things will be easier!) I'm just feeling very heavily burdened right now.

Pray for me, send good thoughts my way, anything. Because right now, my heart really needs them!

Thanks!

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