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Dream Dream Dream...

"Whenever I want you all I have to do is dream..."

Funny the things dreams are made of. Interesting how the mind wanders, vents, releases, explores the inner depths of the mind and inner dwindling desires. For me, It seems to be 1 of 2 different outlets for me: first being Anger and pain, second being desire and longing. Both produce the same results: loneliness.

Now don't go thinking that I'm all depressed and need an intervention (although maybe sometimes I do!), it's just that sometimes life knocks you hard in the butt and its difficult to keep up with the constant marathon race. Maybe my reaction isn't the best method of dealing, but I can't seem to help the constant exhaustion no matter how hard I try! I am just ready to hit that next chapter of my life you know?

So, let me explain the anger dreams...I don't know why they are coming back, but it has to do with the skank that my ex cheated on me and left me for. I think a lot of the tension is unresolved expressions of feelings to her towards her. I never got to really express myself and how I felt to her. But realistically she knows I'd mow her ass over if the chance was ever given. She's a spineless coward...kinda like a little dog, all bark, no bite. She's a loser which is the reason why I shouldn't be mad! But it was the betrayal of friendship...what and how she did it was VERY cruel! But you know what? Karma sucks, so that being said, I would really not wish to be her because right now (and because of her past) karma will take it's toll BAD!

The 2nd part (desire and longing) have much to do with the current situation I'm in now, and the situation I would LIKE to be in right now. My life right now is mediocre. I feel incomplete without my Brit. I never expected to fall so deeply and feel so strongly towards anyone so quick (if ever!) again! My feelings for him triple over-due any feelings I ever had for my ex. Again karma! I think I've been blessed and rewarded with such a wonderful person in my life! He is AMAZING! It's been truly an amazing experience to be loved as much as I love back! He's always considering me, he WANTS there to be a "we" as opposed to the self-centered "all about me" attitude my ex had. He has been everything I have ever wanted or needed in a man...So I hope it's not too good to be true!

Ultimately, my biggest dream is to fast forward to winter so that I can be back in his arms! I miss him horribly and I'm more than ready to start our lives together! Till then, tell the dreams about the evil woman to get lost for me ya?

Live, laugh, love!
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